Greetings from Tromaville

At Screamfest 2007 in Orlando, Florida, mere moments before this was taken, I asked Troma founder and Toxic Avenger director Lloyd Kaufman an impossibly stupid question. A knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, basement-dwelling fanboy question. The type of question that makes Trekkies look bad. The kind that gets you a furrowed brow and an admonishing remark like, "get a life, kid."

Admittedly, the question in question has haunted me for years, but it was still pretty fucking dumb.

It originates with The Toxic Avenger. During the ubiquitous "falling in love" montage set to a syrupy Journey-sounding power ballad, Toxie cavorts in a toxic waste dump with his girlfriend, Sarah. In one shot, lasting no more than ten seconds, he wears a traffic cone on his head. When he tips the cone like Chaplin's Tramp tipping his hat, she roars with laughter.

The only problem is that she's BLIND. How the fuck did she know he did that? Did he narrate this to her? "Now I'm merrily tipping the cone. Picture Charlie Chaplin... oh, sorry, I guess you can't. Because you're fucking BLIND."

I've approached Lloyd at two separate conventions to ask him how Sarah was able to know what Toxie was doing with the cone. Each time, he was gone before I could ask. Now was my big chance; Troma's booth would be there all weekend with Lloyd leading his band of hipsters and Tromatized Suicide Girls personally.

So I asked him, explaining myself in the most complimentary tone imaginable. I admitted, in a concession to Troma humor, that the montage in question had "made me cry and made me come in my pants."

I braced for impact.

"Well, you see, Toxie could've simply explained what he was doing," replied Lloyd, exhibiting the patience of Job and the kindness of Christ.

"So, he just told her? Hmm. Gee, Thanks, Lloyd," was my relieved reply.

"Come here, girls. What are you calling yourself? Genitalia? Goneherrea? Let's get a photo with James here, he's an intellectual."

After that, he had his Tromettes (excuse me, Gyno-Americans) pose with me for the above picture.

Thanks, Lloyd. I guess the only truly dumb questions are those left unasked.